Happy Mother's Day! (Some Advice...)

This is certainly a very challenging day for those who struggle with infertility. I think Mother's Day, Baby Showers, and FB baby announcements are pretty painful for those struggling. Today, was fine for me, I could remind myself that I have 5 frozen babies!

We have 5 perfect embryos! We met with our RE over a week ago to go over our PGS results and 5/5 of the embryos tested came back normal, which he said was above average. So, the above picture shows grading of each embryo, and the number of selected embybabies. So, they will thaw out #1 which is a 3AA. You can refer to this post I did on grading to have a better understanding. I'll have an update on next steps after Tuesday this week since I'll definitely have a solid plan, and I'm super excited about that!

Advice for those without infertility...

For FB pregnancy announcements: For those who may know their family or friend is struggling with infertility, it's hard to know how to approach them around these kind of events. What I have to highly recommend, is seriously, especially with FB pregnancy announcements, if they are considered a close friend/family, please tell her personally that you're pregnant. It's pretty awful to find out on FB, especially when they know you've been struggling. It does make you feel pretty un-important, and just adds to the pain. And, it's special that you are pregnant and you may be avoiding that person because you're afraid of your own discomfort, but you have no idea the pain and hurt it feels to be left out of the loop just because you're avoiding that person. We wanna rejoice in your miracle, not feel like you're avoiding us because somehow us finding out from FB is just so much easier for you, than doing the painful job of picking up the phone, or messaging that person with a heartfelt message that you want them to know before the big announcement. This is actually far less painful for those of us struggling than to see the random post in our FB feed. Please, please, please, if you know a friend who is struggling and you want to announce this information on FB please tell them before you post.

For baby showers: Don't avoid inviting us; we want to be included. I fortunately have not had to go to a baby shower in person yet, and honestly cheesy baby games is really not my jam. I however am excited to give baby gifts for my close friends. How about avoid talking about how easy it was for you to conceive around your friend who is struggling, and then proceed to complain about how challenging it may be to be pregnant. Yes, pregnancy is challenging (believe me I've treated pregnant woman, and I love helping them!), but some people may never get to experience these things, and if you know your friend is struggling how about not complain? Do see a PT for treatment if you seriously have pelvic pain, they will help you!

I guess the best advice, let your friend control the conversation about this topic if they are open to discuss their infertility challenges and plan, give them time to speak about it. Limit your invasive questions and please for those who are going through IVF, avoid "designer baby". Having to use science because you can't seem to conceive naturally does not allow you to just design your baby, it's just that we need some help getting things to meet up and it doesn't always mean that the embryo will implant.

I'll work on a post with some better questions to ask woman/couples you know, and what to avoid saying.

Being parents and a mother is special, even if it's just taking care of your fur babies while you work on your own little miracle. It is a miracle, and some people don't realize this until they are truly working hard for their own miracle that may not come.

Best,

Natasha