My Delivery Story
I have been MIA from blogging with good reason... baby Tessa!! Being able to bring this wonderful little person into the world has been amazing. She is so incredible I can't even stand it!
That being said I did have some small inner turmoils after having her, related to my delivery. The days and weeks following Tessa's delivery I had a lot of up and down emotions. For a short time I felt that I didn't deserve her, and that since I had to have a c-section and an epidural that I had failed in my delivery. Why do I feel this way? I still have trouble reflecting on the details of my delivery. Right after having her I wanted to try it again, and do better. Which is ridiculous! I was ready to have another baby right away! I knew I wasn't ready, but I was also so happy to have her, and was not and do not have doubts about doing it again.
Tessa's Delivery
Sunday, February 26, 2017 5pm Check-in to Hospital for Induction Prep
Tessa's induction was scheduled at 41 weeks. My OB had put me on the schedule when I was around 39 weeks just incase. I hoped so much that I'd go into labor on my own, and I tried everything! The only thing I didn't try was castor oil cuz, ew!
Jeff and I checked into the hospital on a Sunday afternoon for the placement of a Cook Cath to soften my cervix. My docs decided to use a mechanical method to soften the cervix, versus a chemical method (I guess since I was past my due date? No idea...).
I freakin' hated the Cook Cath! When you're over 41 weeks pregnant it seems there isn't much room for your bladder! After they placed the cath I could not pee at all. I now know what a man with a giant prostate must feel like when he tries to pee. It was so bad my nurse had to straight Cath me. I always dreaded the idea of being cathed, either straight or for a foley. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. Having my bladder emptied was so worth it. They did take some pressure out of the Cook Cath, which helped a little, but it was still challenging to pee...
Monday, February 27, 2017 8am Start Pitocin
Monday morning is when they started me on the pitocin after they took out the Cook Cath, and I was only about 1-2 cm dilated. They gradually increased the pitocin throughout the day, and I just spent most of the day walking. They just kept bumping up the pitocin about every hour or so. At one point in the afternoon, maybe around 3pm the contractions were stronger, so I did get in the birthing tub (that you're not suppose to give birth in.) The contractions actually lessened when I was in the tub, so they upped the pitocin again. I think I only progressed to maybe 4 cm by the time I got out of the tub. I think around 5pm or so in the afternoon they decided to break my water to see if it would help me progress.
After they broke my water
Having my water broken, was not pleasant, and the contractions got so intense that I couldn't even stand it, so I asked for an epidural. I would have kept going with the super painful contractions if I was 8 or 9 cm dilated, but I knew I wasn't more than 4-5 cm. So, I got the epidural, which helped with the pain a lot.
After the Epidural
When you get an epidural you have to go on bedrest, and you also get a Foley Cath. I could relax for a bit with the epidural, even though I still wasn't that comfortable, and I felt like my ass was going to fall off the whole time. When the epidural would start to feel like it was wearing off I could ask them to come give me a boost, which I had to a couple of times.
I think I slept most of the night, and by like 4am on Tuesday I think I was only to 6cm in my dilation.
Delivery Day
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
I barely remember Tuesday morning, I was uncomfortable, and I was still only dilated to 6cm the whole morning. At one point Tessa's heart rate had dropped for a bit, and they found that my cervix was starting to swell. So, things started to turn to the option of a c-section since I wasn't progressing and there was slight concern for the baby.
Jeff and I had a bit of a break down at this point since we were frustrated by how much challenge we already went through to conceive Tessa, and now to have a rough delivery was just maddening. I could tell Jeff was far more upset about things than me, but I just wanted Tessa to be safe. I spoke with the surgeon and she said that the OR was free, and we could go in right away to bring her into the world. We decided that since it wasn't an emergency yet, that it would be better to just go ahead and go through with the surgery.
I already had the epidural in so they were set to give me more meds for the c-section. I totally started to have some awful nausea when I got into the very cold operating room. They pumped me with some nausea meds, and made sure I was numb.
Its such a strange feeling, because you don't feel them cutting, but you do feel the pressure. And after the pulled her out, all I could think about was seeing her and hearing her cry.
She came into this world at 123pm on February 28, 2017. I was so out of it, and started feeling pain or discomfort, I have no idea, but they ended up putting me under full anesthesia.
When I came to they were wheeling me to my room still on the delivery floor.
Atonic Uterus
I felt oh so weak and oh so tired as I came to, and the nurse practitioner was explaining to me what happened after I was put under anesthesia. My uterus became atonic, which means it would not contract on its own which helps with the postpartum bleeding. When this happens a mother can hemorrhage very quickly, and I did. Before I had even left the operating room they had given me 2 units of blood. They had also placed a Uterine Balloon Tapenade device. The balloon applies pressure to the walls of the uterus to help reduce the bleeding and it also has a tube that continues to drain the uterine blood so they can measure it to see if it is working.
They also had to put me on more petocin and fluids, as well as bedrest. I felt pretty awful, but feeding Tessa helped to distract me from my own discomfort.
Breast Feeding after C-section/Postpartum Hemorrhage
Since I had had a pretty massive hemorrhage I was at risk of developing Sheehan Syndrome. "Sheehan's syndrome (SS) is postpartum hypopituitarism caused by necrosis of the pituitary gland. It is usually the result of severe hypotension or shock caused by massive hemorrhage during or after delivery" [SOURCE]. Women who develop this syndrome will not have their milk come in like it should, and won't be able to breastfeed their baby.
Because of this risk, the lactation nurse was working with me immediately, and they had Tessa on me ASAP. They also had me using the hospital grade breast pump between feedings to help with getting my milk supply going. Initially I just had the usual colostrum, which is certainly enough for a brand new baby. I was even able to get some colostrum saved for Jeff to be able to feed Tessa so I could rest.
My Biggest Mistake
That day was such a blur because of how awful I felt and how tired I was. So, the biggest mistake I made was that I ended up eating some solids. Most people who have abdominal surgery are put on NPO or "Nil Per Os" which means "nothing by mouth". I should have known better because I've worked with patients post abdominal surgery, and they are so nauseas after their surgery. This nausea is a result of the gut stops its normal movement because of the surgery. It can take a few days for it to start moving again, so its best to not put anything into your stomach because it can't really process it.
So, needless to say, and I vomiting later that night, which was oh so painful due to my incision. It was awful and it was off and on like that for the next few days. I don't think I could even eat jello till Friday. I don't know why they didn't put me on NPO straight out of the OR, but I'll definitely not be eating after another c-section.
First-time Out of Bed
I think by Wednesday evening they were able to take out the balloon in my uterus. That night was the worst because I was vomiting, and they even woke me up after midnight to get me out of bed walking. Which, I was so not up for, and felt like such a wimp because I'm a PT who has made people post abdominal surgery get out of bed. I did feel a bit rushed, but I guess they were really busy with other woman who were laboring and needed the room. So, since I could walk to the sink and brush my teeth, they moved me to the maternity floor.
It was just so rough the next few days of pain, breast feeding, nausea, vomiting, and I even had to get another 2 units of blood. I was so swollen from all the fluids it make it even harder to get around. I think by Friday I could eat jello, sit out of the bed, and even take a shower. The shower helped a lot, but I still couldn't eat much. You also get zero sleep in the hospital between the nurses checking on you and adjusting to a new baby who is still nocturnal. Friday night I was feeling well enough to walk the halls with Tessa, and even go with the nurses for Tessa's first bath. She didn't really enjoy it...
Discharged Home
Saturday, March 4, 2017
I finally felt ready to return home by Saturday. Tessa and I were both ready to leave, and were discharged mid day almost a week after checking into the hospital. I never thought I'd have such a long hospital stay. Looking back it felt like it flew by so quickly. I finally was able to sleep in my own bed which was so much more comfortable. I was afraid that since I couldn't put the head of the bed up I'd have more pain with my c-section but it was so much better.
Reflections
I have reflected on Tessa's delivery, and despite a lot of challenges I had, I would do everything again for her. I still have this small part of me that wonders if I had not been induced would I have been better off, but Tessa did have some issues herself. When they broke my water they did notice some meconium which can be bad for the baby's lungs. She did have to go to the special nursery because her oxygen levels would drop when she'd cry. So, I keep reminding myself that she did need to come out because it could have been much worse for her. Luckily her breathing improved within 2-3 days, and she never had oxygen issues when she'd breastfeed. So, in that aspect, I'm happy that she was healthy, and I'm glad that the more dangerous complications happened to me and not her.
She is such a great little person, and I feel incredibly fortunate that I get to be her mother. From day one of her arrival I could tell her personality was going to be amazing, she just stole everyone's hearts. She would even practice her smile in her sleep, even at only 5 days old.
I feel fortunate that I also had an amazing medical team at Emerson Hospital in Concord, MA. I'm lucky to be alive, and its taken me over a year to realize this. I've also had maybe what you'd call PTSD feelings when I return to the hospital for OB appointments. I'm usually crying by the time I get back into my car, though this is improving with each visit. I'd say that writing this all out has helped me further feel content with my delivery, because at the end of the day I have an amazing daughter who is healthy and very happy.
Please share your story if you'd like release any of your own regrets or fears about your own delivery.
Best,
Natasha